So you’ve done it. You’ve completed your first 8 weeks at school, and have earned a well-deserved rest. So what should you be doing with your first half term holiday?
That’s right, I said nothing at all. If you, like me, have a white face and shadowy eyes that owe more to 8 weeks of school than to the Halloween grease-paint, you need a break! So here are my 10 rules for your first half-term holiday:
- Do not pick up a pen, under any circumstances whatsoever! All writing, of any kind, is completely banned. Unless you are marking the Argos catalogue with potential Santa requests…
- Likewise, all books are off limits – except Rainbow Fairy, or some other mind-numbing “literature.” There is to be absolutely no reading of anything involving words of more than one syllable.
- Do not leave the house at all. Lounge around on the sofa, all day long if possible. If you do venture outdoors, ensure it is solely for the purpose of trampolining or bicycling.
- No vegetables this week. For one whole week, you should eat pasta with butter, cheese, chocolate buttons, and above all plenty of Haribo.
- Watch TV. If possible, you should have instructed your parents to record every episode of Horrid Henry so you can watch them back-to-back. Failing that, watch Disney movies all week.
- Try not to get dressed, bath or brush your hair all week. Increase the size of your hairband daily in order to cover up the tangles, claim scratched knees that can’t be gotten wet, and if necessary claim that the current sleep trend for “onesies” extends to daytime wear. Your mother is middle-aged, she’ll never know…
- Any musical instrument in the vicinity will immediately cause an allergic reaction. Avoid practice at all costs.
- Develop an urgent need to conduct “research” homework on Movie Star Planet/Moshi Monsters/Club Penguin (delete according to preference).
- Realise as quickly as possible that you have a sore throat, of the type that can only be eased with a McFlurry.
- Have a bad dream every night. Your Mum has her guard down in the holidays – nocturnal visits to her bedroom are much more likely to be met with a lifted duvet now that the chance of a lie-in is marginally more likely
Seriously, your first half term holiday is a chance to pause, to switch off your head, forget the daily grind, bickering and angst that is – on occasion – the school day. If you really must do something with your time, this is acceptable: