Pfwooghhrrrsh! Pshew psheww! Pfwooghhrrsh!
Living with boys is different, isn’t it?
There’s one! I’ve got the perfect Shooter Shocker 2000, if I can juuust. Get. It. Outtatheground. Ooofff! Oh. It’s stuck. That’s so unfair.
But look, this one’s even more epic. It’s exactly the right shape. Mummy, you hold the Shooter Shocker while I get the Epicblaster. Pfwooghhrrsh! Pcuuurfff. Pssh psshh!
Ok sweetie, that’s enough shooting now, people are looking. School is no place for guns, ok? (Plus I’m slightly embarrassed that I haven’t managed to dislodge this predilection for weapons from your otherwise angelic personality). Is that ok honey?
Pccchrrrrccchrrrrrcrrrr! Oh God he’s found a machine-gun, how am I going to explain that to the girls’ Mums? Quick! Shove it in my shopping trolley and I’ll keep it safe until home-time.
You’d better not forget to bring it back after school Mummy, that’s my best Slambasher 2point40!
I return with my trolley-load of firearms, a couple of bananas nestled in the depths for snacks. I’ve heard they’re high in potassium. I’m told that’s good for hungry boy hormones.
Mum! Did you bring my Pistolpuncher? I need to show Lenny how it works. *Sigh.*
We start the walk home, pausing to take out random threats that present themselves as cars, trees, dogs…
Pshwoocrrr! Tchkkkkkkkkkk! No! Don’t shoot that little girl, we don’t even know her! You can’t shoot someone you don’t know, it’s very rude!
No! You can’t shoot your sister either, that’s totally unfair! She doesn’t even have a gun of her own! Oh god, what am I saying? You should probably just shoot me now! No… no. I said NO!
Home, and guns are not allowed in the house. I unpack the artillery from my shopping trolley, and add it to the munitions store on our doorstep. Pshooowttrrrrrr! His parting shot to his ordnance of sticks.
How do you survive living with boys?