Actually Mummy - The British Mummy Blog with a Difference

Erm, where did my Mum go?

Posted on April 27, 2013 by GG

Mummy has been acting a bit odd recently. Not like her usual self at all. Recently she became one of the finalists in the MAD Blog Awards 2013. She was really, really happy. She might even have voted for herself (I told her that was probably against the rules, but she wouldn’t listen – and she has the audacity to scold me for the slightest transgression)! But she didn’t do what she did last year and break her email account with requests for votes to friends, colleagues, ex-boyfriends, and cousin’s of Daddy’s friends’ dogs.

A playground mum congratulated her on making it to the final, having seen a small write-up in the paper. She’d missed it. What is that about? My Mum’s in the paper and she’s not wearing out the photocopier??

She claims she’s happy to be in the final; the party will be wonderful; she won her category last year, so maybe it’s time for someone else to have their spot in the limelight. I wore my confused face for a very long time over this.

Then yesterday she went to a Vision Board workshop. She’s been struggling to find the motivation to get her business website up and running. She’s also wondering about the direction this blog needs to take now that I’m less of a hilarious duffer toddler and am not bringing home the #funees as regularly as I ought. A friend suggested she try this visualisation session to get her focused on what she really wants out of life (although she has me, so quite what she feels is missing is profoundly puzzling).

She doesn’t normally do this kind of thing. Words like “grounding” “cosmic energy” and “manifestation” see her running for Majestic Warehouse wearing an expression of alarm. But when she came home, she was a different person!

“I want to be a writer!” she exclaimed. “I want to really write, proper stuff. I want to publish that book I’ve been muttering about for the last 7 years.”

“I want to wake up excited about my day, not wondering how long before I can go back to bed,” she enthused. “I want to be fit. I want money. I want a nest-egg.”

“I want to wear a wedding dress to our anniversary party and I don’t care if people do think I’m too old and self-indulgent. I’m middle-aged and I can bloody well do what I want!”

“Oh, and I want to win the MADs!” she blurted. Yay! My Mum’s back!

Sadly, it’s too late to vote in the MADs. She will have to leave that to fate and the wisdom of the judges now. But what do you know? She’s also shortlisted in the Brilliance in Blogging awards, in no less than 3 categories! You can vote for us in Laugh, Video, or Social Media. Voting is open until midnight on 12 May. For those readers who don’t really get social media, here’s a definition:

Social media: what Mummy does all day to avoid tidying up LEGO or undertaking the mediation of sibling dispute.

She was gobsmacked to be shortlisted in the Video final, until someone lovely reminded her of these.

Oh, and by the way Daddy, she also said she wants a convertible Mini Cooper. I’d get down to Majestic quick, if I were you

Helen says – we are always so grateful to be read, and thankful for every nomination we’ve been given. There is outstanding talent in all the awards this year, and if we get your vote, I will feel very privileged. If we win, well – who knows what I might do?!

Posted in Miscellaneous | 29 Comments

Why? Why would I sing live on all over Google and You Tube??

Posted on April 26, 2013 by Helen

Yep, that is me. I’m looking a bit stupefied, but don’t judge. This is actually my singing face. I sing with Rock Choir – you know, the clicky clappy jiggy one – and we’re always being told to smile and look animated. I do my best, I really do, and I even thought I looked quite snappy, professional even. No. I’ve seen videos of myself, and I look self-conscious, a bit gawky, and – if I’m honest – slightly mad. And this is when I’m well-rehearsed, in uniform, in the same room as my choir leader and accompanied by 50 other slightly self-conscious, gawky, mad choir members!

So why would I put myself live on You Tube as the only soprano in a group of 4 bloggers? To be honest, I’m still asking myself the answer to that question, and the answer seems to be “Because I can’t resist a challenge.”

30 years ago, Bazil Meade formed The London Community Gospel Choir. You may not have heard of them, but you will almost certainly have seen them perform. You know those gospel singers that make the X Factor contestants look amazing with their gorgeous backing? Yep, that’s them, usually.

What’s more, the choir have sung with Madonna, Sir Paul McCartney, Westlife, and even Gorillaz. And now me! As part of their 30 year anniversary celebrations, the London Community Gospel Choir is hosting at least thirty choirs from all corners of the world at the Southbank centre in London, over the bank holiday weekend of 4-6 May 2013.

But again, I hear you cry: “Why would you embarrass yourself like this?? Crazy lady.” Well, on 5 May, the LCGC is attempting a world record for the largest gospel choir singing in concert together, and they thought it might be nice to include some bloggers in the preparations. But rather than invite us to join them for the on-the-day rehearsal and performance, they thought it might be innovative to ~~show us up~~ rehearse us live on You Tube through the medium of a Google Plus hangout. The results have been, erm… what’s that word again? Interesting. Oh how I rue the day I ever created a Google Plus account!

But I’m game for a laugh, as the silver dress has proved on several occasions, and a sucker for a new idea, so here I am, actually singing. Erm, I think it’s singing…

If you fancy joining in the Guinness world record attempt yourself go to 30choirfestival.com/ for more information.

Posted in Miscellaneous, News and Media, Things to do | Tagged choir, Google Plus, Guinness World Record, London Gospel Community Choir, singing, You Tube | 6 Comments

That Helen Keller was soooo lucky! A Wot so Funee? post

Posted on April 23, 2013 by GG

As many of you are aware, I’m a reader of the late-night variety. I have had my book-case surgically removed from my bedroom by my sleep-worshiping parents, and I step foot out of my bedroom during official sleeping hours at my peril. However, being less devout and more youthful in outlook than my ~~past-it~~ tired elders, I can go to all sorts of lengths to achieve a night-time read.

Anyway, I don’t consider myself abnormal. Most of my friends are keen on the pursuit of covert reading. In fact, a good friend of mine recently took up the hobby and has myriad different solutions to her parent’s policing of her sleep:book ratio. She, like me, also gets frustrated easily, and doesn’t enjoy concentrating on activities which have the bad grace to be difficult to master.

Her mother had the genius idea of buying her a kid’s book about Helen Keller. Ms Keller was apparently a bit of a stropster in her youth, finding deafness and blindness somewhat of a challenge – as you would. The book was intended to show my friend that it is possible to overcome even the greatest difficulties in life and go on to achieve incredible things. If Helen could do it, so could my friend!

The book was consumed with great interest. Mother and daughter got down to discussing how amazing Helen Keller was, and how easy little girls with no disability have it in the learning stakes. They talked about Braille, and how blind people learn to read.

“But it’s so unfair!” was my friend’s verdict. “She was soooo lucky! She must have been able to stay up reeeeaally late reading and her mother didn’t even know!”

What? Wot so funee about that?

Now, if you have your own post to link this week, grab the badge code from the sidebar, and click the link below to enter your post – I can’t wait to see what you have! It’s not obligatory, but if you include a link back here in your own post, I’ll return the favour with a tweet-out. If you’re new here you can check out the Wot So Funee? main page for more info.

This #funee comes courtesy of Stephanie Belton

If you’ve enjoyed reading today, we’d love you to give us a vote in the Brilliance in Blogging Awards. We’re shortlisted in 3 categories this year!

Social Media
Video
Laugh

So if we make you laugh with our videos or quips on Twitter, you can vote in all three (but we’re happy with just one)

Posted in Latest Funee Posts, Miscellaneous, Wot So Funee? | Tagged books, late-night reading, reading, sleep | 17 Comments

A letter to Mr Gove…

Posted on April 19, 2013 by GG

Dear Mr Gove,

I am enclosing a photograph of my bags on the playground this morning:

Today I have my violin lesson, followed by my swimming lesson. I will have to make sure I brush my hair really well after swimming, ready for my school photo. I definitely cannot afford to mislay anything en route to the pool, or Mummy will never let me hear the end of it! You cannot see what is in my school bag, so I will clarify it for you: library books – I take home 2 every week; my topic book – I’m writing a scrapbook about my holiday, including a business plan for the first ever Dolphin Swim Centre in the UK. After school I have piano.

Just to put this in perspective – I’m 8. It’s fine though, I’ve always been an active girl, and I thrive on the challenge and variety of my numerous tasks and interests. In general, I’m a happy child, with what some might call a good sense of humour.

I like to get stuff right, and I try pretty hard at school, if my teachers engage my interest in a subject. You know, interweave a point of difference, relevancy and fun into my learning? When I’m having fun I can sometimes even concentrate on the bigger picture for longer than your average politician. I’m certainly learning to focus on the broader issues, and not waste all my time firefighting the numbers that bother me in the classroom. Perhaps, Mr. Gove, we could get together over a healthy lunch sometime and I could talk you through how that works?

I’m going to let you into another side to my personality though. My mum is a bit of an academic at heart. Straight A student, attention to detail, rarely satisfied with “good enough.” She’d probably make a great Education Secretary, now I think of it. Anyway I digress… My mum helps me with my homework and my music practice. On a good day, when I’ve slept well, and had time to chill out with my friends, or eat dinner with Daddy, this works quite well.

On a bad day though, I tend to get very frustrated with myself. Do you ever get that Mr. Gove? Those days when you’ve worked really hard, received a certificate in the House of Commons for some spectacularly good work on your enterprise project, or your spellings, and progressed a level in your tap class? You see, the piano practice can sometimes be the final straw after a long hard day. I get angry with myself for not being brilliant all of the time. I take my stress out on my family. Sometimes I even take my stress out on myself and do this.

I am not part of an “agricultural economy” and yet still I thrive. In fact, I have no interest in gardening at all – way too much mud, and an inordinately high risk of crunching on a snail. Do you see, Mr. Gove, the big words that I am capable of using? I learned those from my Mum & Dad, and my school.

So forgive me, Mr. Gove, for my tiny little rant but NO! I do not want to go to school for 10 hours a day! Give me a break! I’m a smart girl, but I’m still a child. I need to play occasionally. I need time to chat to my friends about random crap, and watch a bit of telly. I need to hang out with my family and learn about who I am, as opposed to what I can do with my intellect. I get a cold at the end of every term; I find the holidays quite useful to rest and recover my immune system. Would that be alright with you?

Or maybe you don’t really care. I’m doing fine at school, no language difficulties, my grades are good, and I can squeak a couple of tunes out on musical instruments. I pretty much do what my teachers ask most of the time, and I get along well with the majority of my classmates. So perhaps you don’t care about helping me to be the best person I can be. As long as I have an advanced Masters degree in computer science to go with my concert-standard musical repertoire, like my Chinese colleagues, that will be alright?

Or maybe I’ve got it wrong and you’re putting aside a nice stash of money to pay for all the therapy me and my peers will require if we make it through your version of the education system?

Yours in anticipation of a sensible reply,

I’m linking this post to Mummy Barrow’s Ranty Friday. While I’m at it, I thought you might like to know what teachers think, as well.

If you’ve enjoyed reading today, we’d love you to give us a vote in the Brilliance in Blogging Awards. We’re shortlisted in 3 categories this year!

Social Media
Video
Laugh

So if we make you laugh with our videos or quips on Twitter, you can vote in all three (but we’re happy with just one )

Posted in Education | Tagged school | 47 Comments

Reward your friends with E.ON

Posted on April 18, 2013 by Helen

Relationships are a complicated thing aren’t they? On an average day I hate my Mum at least 3 times, and my brother somewhat more, but I also find myself spouting how much I love them every day. That’s just weird. Relationships with friends are even more confusing. 8 year old girls are fickle creatures; one day they want to be in your club, and the next they won’t speak to you. What’s that all about?

I’m learning that it’s probably best to cultivate a wide group of friends, with different interests. What works well about this is that when the group who enjoy art club aren’t up for it today, I can go and dip into a game with the Harry Potter fans. And if all else fails, there’s always football with the boys.

There are one or two friends though, who are pretty constant, no matter what playground bickering goes on. Those are the friends who really get you, who laugh off your idiosyncracies and still invite you round for tea after a ruck. The friends who stand up for you on a bad day, and who you’re genuinely happy for when they get the part in the school play that you wanted. Loyal friends.

It’s the same with parents apparently. Friends come and go, but there are a few who – despite changes in geography and circumstance – are always there when they’re needed or wanted. The friends that really count, and whose advice you take.

So what does this have to do with an energy supplier? Bear with me, it’s good. Energy suppliers like to keep their customers. E.ON believes you should get something back for your loyalty. If you’ve been with them for a year or more, they’d like to say thank you. That’s why they’re giving rewards to their customers. You could either get money off your bills or Tesco Clubcard points – it’s up to you (exclusions apply). All you need to do is change to one of E.ON’s tariffs with rewards.

But here’s the really cool thing: E.ON are also giving you the chance to reward someone close to you. If you have a friend who’s been with you through thick and thin, or who has just done something nice for you recently, you should be able to thank them with a treat. So, they’re giving away 4 fabulous experience days for two plus 70 pairs of cinema tickets.

You can enter the competition using the dedicated Facebook app and nominate a friend to win a prize through the comment box. You’ll need to “like” the E.ON Energy UK page.

Click here for terms and conditions and full details of the giveaway.

* Disclosure: this is a sponsored post.

Posted in Miscellaneous | Tagged friends | 4 Comments

Letters from Bedtime Bear: Wot so Funee?

Posted on April 16, 2013 by Helen

We went to visit Grandma recently. Naturally our bedtime bears came with us. Every single time we pack to come home, we leave something behind. Last time it was all Mummy’s underwear, in a Florida hotel. The rest of the holiday saw her rinsing her smalls every night and hanging them under the ceiling fan to dry before tomorrow!

This time we left Doudou. He was quite comfy, snuggled under the duvet, but an emergency phone call was put in to Grandma to retrieve him from his cosy hiding place. He sent a couple of emails to Mummy regarding his progression from bed, to box to post office. And he arrived today:

Thank you Grandma, we know how you like to be informed of safe arrivals, so please accept this video of acknowledgement. But we have one question: how exactly did you teach him to write?

Posted in Latest Funee Posts, Miscellaneous, Videos, Wot So Funee? | Tagged bedtime bear, Doudou, Grandma, sleep | 27 Comments

Do you really want to be a parent?

Posted on April 13, 2013 by Helen

Why is it that we never tell expectant parents the truth? Parents wax lyrical about the joys of being a parent. Like a cheerful gang of die-hards, they laugh off the well-quoted exhaustion, discuss – endlessly – the requirement for wine, and welcome each new recruit with a knowing smile and a wink of collusion to the gang behind your back. And you learn. You learn to cope, you learn what those winks meant, and you learn to worry…

Finally, I’m going to tell you the truth about parenting:
For non-parents, weekends bring fun and games: maybe a couple of beers on the way home from work, a few chores on Saturday morning, and then a big night out. Take a shower, shave your legs, exfoliate, apply body lotion, make-up, heels and bling. Clubbing, or dinner, the Menu Gastronomique – 7 gorgeous courses, each accompanied by a matching glass of wine, pudding wine with the dessert course. You indulge, it’s Sunday tomorrow after all. No alarm clock needed, just wake with the sunshine and the aroma of fresh coffee. Lounge in bed with the papers until hunger drives you to the cooker for a fry-up, then maybe a walk to chase away the cobwebs. Finally, back to the pub – can’t be bothered to cook. Every stranger is a potential friend.

Once you’ve had a child the world is a very different place. You won’t need an alarm clock, body lotion, newspapers, or bling – you will stop wearing earrings at the peril of losing your earlobes. Clubs are places where snotty children lick brightly-coloured plastic toys and parents glug vats of cheap coffee in an attempt to stay awake. “Can’t be bothered to cook” stops being a spontaneous evening at the local Italian and becomes a bowl of cereal, or cheesy chips if you can muster up the enthusiasm. And every stranger is a potential paedophile.

Things you will worry about when you have a baby:

Cot death – sadly, it still happens far too often, as the blogging community knows all too well…
Choking – I will never forget adding marshmallows to my list of things I never knew I had to worry about, when a 6 month old baby choked on a marshmallow and died in a local restaurant
Blind cords – often in the news as a hazard for children
Meningitis

You will also worry about poo, vomit, sleep, and – of all random things – table corners. You will worry when someone else’s baby learns to roll over, crawl, walk, speak, or point before yours. You will worry when her first word is “Peppa Pig.” Don’t worry about these things. One day you will walk into a room and worry that your baby is not there – he’ll have learned to roll over and is hidden behind the door. You will really worry when your baby figures out how to work the TV remote!

As your child grows these worries will disappear. Life will get easier – in some ways. You think the worries are over. But let me warn you, as soon as one bag of worries is consigned to history, a new one opens.

Things you will worry about when you have a young child:

Roads
Strangers
Swimming pools
Hot saucepans
Doors slamming on fingers

You will also worry about school friends, hormones, teachers, sleepovers, and the impossibility of finding a Brownie pack with less than 200 hopefuls already on the waiting list. And don’t get me started on whether the Gazelle group has more intelligent children than the Hippo group.

But again, all of these things will iron themselves out eventually. Where you’re really going to start worrying is when you have a teenager. You think your child hates you now? You’ve seen nothing yet.

Things you will worry about when you have a teenager:

Mood swings
Exam results
Drugs
Pregnancy
Someone else’s pregnancy (and by extension the CSA)

Somehow you get through it, and suddenly they’re 18. Phew! “That’s me done then,” you think. I can stop worrying now she’s an adult. Erm, noooo! Because as a parent you will never stop. I remember a lot of huffing and eyerolling as a 28 year old when my Father insisted on a phone call after my 90 minute car journey home from his house.

“Look Dad,” I reasoned. “If I do end up splattered all over the motorway I’m sure the police will let you know fairly quickly, so no news is good news, ok?”

Sorry Dad. I didn’t get it then, I do now.

Now that I am a parent I notice the bad news more than the good. What if my grown daughter gets in an unlicensed cab; what if she goes somewhere “quieter” with a man she’s just met, and then changes her mind? Will she be strong enough to cope with unwanted attention from her boss? What if her first flat is next door to an alcoholic, a domestic abuser, or worse? How can I make sure my son’s girlfriend doesn’t end up pregnant at 16? What if he gets into a car with someone who has been drinking?

This post was inspired by the following story I read in a local newspaper. It got me to thinking about the fears we all have for our children, which never completely go away. As a parent, you have to live with them, without letting it affect your sanity. Can you do that? Can you? Think carefully…

Posted in Miscellaneous, Parenting | 39 Comments

Pillow Pets: Wot so Funee?

Posted on April 8, 2013 by Helen

Image courtesy of the Disney Store

Isn’t he cute? Stitch – the Bug took a fancy to him immediately on arrival at Disney World in Orlando, having never once watched an episode of Lilo and Stitch on TV. It’s so easy to spend money at Disney – there is cuteness everywhere you look. Even if you steer clear of the gift shops, you can’t fail to be swept along with the magic on the streets. Most of our requests were rebuffed by M&D, but by the law of averages we prevailed, and secured a couple of these:

How could any self-respecting parent say no, when they’re floating there amongst 50 others, straining at their ribbons, bursting with the promise of magic and lighting up the smiles on children’s faces?

We also fell in love with Stitch; he’s Disney’s version of a Pillow-Pet. We recognised the format immediately, having craved one for months, and memorised the advert:

We discussed our pets on our walk back from the boat to our room at the Wilderness Lodge hotel. We talked about the marketing that made us want Stitch and Marie (Aristocats). We sang Daddy the tune, and talked about what the brand message was (yeah, I know, our Dad is in marketing, it happens a lot). Is it a pet? Is it a pillow? Maybe they considered cushion? From behind us the Bug’s small voice piped up:

“It’s basically a square with a head. And when you fold it up, it’s a cylinder.”

Marketing guru in the making.

Posted in Latest Funee Posts, Miscellaneous, Wot So Funee? | Tagged disney, Disney merchandise, Disney World Florida, Pillow Pets, toys | 24 Comments

Our dream holiday, and when lying to your kids can only be a good thing…

Posted on April 6, 2013 by Helen

We’re going on holiday. It’s a bit cold for our annual trip to Guernsey, so I’m a bet ‘meh’ about the prospect of donning my sandals and swimsuit. Only it turns out M&D have been telling us fibs:

Right then, I’ll start packing…

Posted in Holidays, Videos | Tagged Bug, disney, Holidays, vlogs | 20 Comments

Sibling Harmony: Wot So Funee?

Posted on April 2, 2013 by Helen

I am back from my little project (more on that soon) and am indebted to Just a Normal Mummy and Mummy Never Sleeps for hosting this linky for the last 2 weeks. Not only did they do a hilariously good job of posting, and sharing all your lovely posts, they also broke the record for the number of people linking up! Apparently you were bribed with gin in week 2. I’m not averse to bibery, and I have just been through Duty Free (I have a LOT of Haribo) – just saying…

There is often a fair bit of dischord between myself and the Bug. He’s a boy, I’m a girl; he’s 5, I’m old enough to know better; he likes poo, I like nail-polish; he’s laid back and chilled out, I’m a bit… erm, well, you know….

It’s not often that the Bug surprises us. If he’s not in the room, he’s usually pottering with his Lego. If it’s before 7am, you’ll find him chilling out in his bed. If he takes up a pen, he’ll often be designing a new Light Saber. But this took our breath away:

To clarify:

Maddie is lovley
I love dad (he gets confused with his b’s and d’s at the moment
Mummy is the best
My frends are lovley

He was in a good mood that day…

Thanks to all our readers for voting us into the Mad Blog Awards as a finalist this year! We’d love you to consider giving us a nomination in the Brilliance in Blogging Awards. We were thrilled to be finalists in the Fresh New Voice category last year, and would love to be there again in 2013! Maybe in the Family category, but we’d be honoured to be chosen in any of them.